The Last Day of the Month

This is the last day of the month of August. I must post something because this day will never go back again. There will never be any August 31, 2008 in the future so this is a very, very unique opportunity to post.

To start off, I had a reflection back in my house and I realized that I am a sad person. I dug deeper to find a reason why am I sad. I don't want to say it because people might say some things. :) Anyway, I realized that I am sad and if you really want to know everything why am I sad, just talk to me personally and maybe I'll say it to you.

You might ask why am I posting something today? It's because this day will never go back again. Yes, there is still an August 31 next year but there will never be an August 31, 2008 again. So, I want to take this opportunity to celebrate "August 31, 2008" day.

Since I don't have something to blog about, I will just say my goodbyes to this day and welcome a new month. It also the start of the "Ber" months. You know, September, October, November, and December. Christmas is nearing and I want a gift. XD

My Tomodachi's.. XD (Male)

I have something in my mind now that I want to post and those are my friends. Friends who have been with me for a long time, my friends that goes with me everywhere, and the stuff. I don't know if you know my friends, so I want to share each and everyone of them. :)

Gerard John Julius Corpus - aka Gear. A very funny gay, I mean guy. He is most of the time weird and slow yet he is very friendly and approachable(?). He falls for beautiful, YOUNG girls but has a hard time opening a conversation with them.

Deo Alexis Zafaralla - aka Deo. A nursing student who is a disciplined guy. He goes home on time, does not stay up until morning before going home, and etcetera. You know what I mean. Anyway, he is sometimes emotional(like me) and we usually spend our boring times together outside this internet cafe that we usually hang out in a lot.

Deanno Alfred Baluyut - aka Deans. The close cousin of the very famous Erick Baluyot. Joke! You can see that their last names are spelled different. But, it sounds like it's the same. Anyway, Deans is a really great guy once you get to know him. He likes saying "Gaylord" to Gear(refer to the one above) because he really thinks he's gay. Nevertheless, he is friendly and likes to talk a lot. Wanna know why? He's a student jock! XD

Robert Erwin Daño - aka Bert. A very buffed up guy but has a very soft heart. He is nice to all his friends and an addict in any online game. He is also good in DotA, in school, and in bed, he says. XD He is silent at times when he is concentrating and also a mom's boy. :3

Dante Noe Raquel II - aka Kuya Dan. The person behind the security, safety, and convenience of the internet cafe I was talking about.(refer above under Deo.) A very cheerful happy-go-lucky guy. Although sometimes his head goes berserk, he still maintains his composure to again secure the safety of the establishment. He never fails to put a smile on his face especially in front of the customers.

Joseph Artfel Lazo II - aka Jal. He is a fighter in terms of physical and philosophical purposes. He fights for what he thinks is right and he is ready to defend anyone close to him from people who oppose them. He has a big heart and cares for everyone. He also has this tendency to go berserk if something bad happens(like losing in Tekken). He is not that violent, if you're thinking of him that way. He is friendly.

Dale Enriquez - aka Dale. The super gaylord of the group. Although the group always tease him, he is nice and heightens his patience to a point where he doesn't go mad. He sends emotional GM's(group message) in every Globe user in his phone book. She, oops, I mean he is famous in our group for the reason of spreading the word, "Bushit." A shortened term for you know. XD He is good in playing DotA, and he denies the fact that he is emotional.

These people that I have mentioned are always in the internet cafe(refer above under Deo) that we usually hang out in. For those males who are my close friends that I haven't mentioned, do not be offended. I still remember you guys but because all of you are so precious to me, no words can explain how much I value all of you in my heart. :3

I love these boys and I don't give a damn on what you say.

P.S. I am not gay!

Coming soon. My female friends who made an impact in my life, especially this girl behind me that starts to touch my y'know. Down under? Yeah? You get me? She's touching my toes! Or y'know? Toes? What am I saying!? XD

The Unexpected

I wrote a poem about this girl in my MC 90 class. I was inspired to write a poem because she was beautiful and everything. I don't have my "poem notebook" so I cannot write the poem here. After a long time, I saw her again walking on the hallway. I was with Gear and Jal and I was shocked when Jal talked to this girl that I am talking about. Jal joked that she was his girlfriend. I gave him a confused look. He then concluded that she was his cousin.

I was like OMG! Your cousin? I wrote a poem about her and I had no idea that she was your cousin, I said to Jal. It was really unexpected. Very unexpected.

Anyway, expect the unexpected, they say. For if you expect the expected, you might be hurt by the facts. At least that's what I know. :)

Random Thoughts

I listened to a talk by my mom and an employee that works in our fiberglass business. You see, this employee is a leader in their chapel and what he and my mom talked about was death of people and how it is connected to the people living in this world. Based on what I have heard, he said that death has no connection whatsoever with the people living in the world. He also said that people shouldn’t cry when their loved ones die. Instead, they should be happy. His reason was people should feel happy when their loved ones die because they are a step closer to salvation. I thought about what he said and I made up two points; one is that people can’t help but cry when their loved ones die because they really love the person and they don’t want to let them go. Second is that it is true that people who die will be one step closer to salvation because they will enter the kingdom of God. I left the talk once I had made up my mind.

This has no connection whatsoever with what I said before this. However, this happened on the same day. Anyway, as I was riding a jeep, I was listening to two disc jockeys on the radio. Doctor Love was on the radio. Basically, they talk about love problems and people text their problems to them and “Doctor Love” will give them advices. I listened to one of the listener’s text and he said, “Girls are really unpredictable and stupid. Once you are serious to them, they will cheat or will leave you.” As I heard that, an idea suddenly struck in my mind. What he said was kinda’ true. However, is also not true. True because some girls just play with the person’s feelings. But, some girls are really serious in their relationships and end up being the ones left. I don’t know which side I am going to take because I am a guy. Maybe I’ll stay neutral for this topic. But, people should remember. We men must be respected. :)

As I was passing by the sidewalk, I saw the newspapers headlines. I realized that they were all bad news. I don’t know why people like to make all the bad news be put in the front page. I understand that they want people to buy their tabloid because Filipino people like to read more on the bad side than in the good side. I bet that more Filipinos will read murder cases than to read the article about the efforts of our athletes in the Olympics. We understand that we want to know the truth about this world, be educated about it. However, if we continue with this kind of attitude, we will have the unconscious chance to pass this to children that automatically registers in their mind. Violence will be the front page in their brains and they will be more curious about the world. In addition, children nowadays play violent games in the computer. I don’t know who’s to blame. The parents, the owners of the café’s who let the children play violent games or the creators of the game themselves. I am filled with thoughts and emotion.

I just want to speak up about my thoughts because I feel they will burst if I don’t release them. Janus, a proud Filipino blogger. XD

A Night With The Guys and a Girl

Last Friday, it was the birthday of Jal's brother, Jet. We weren't really invited but Jal asked Jet for us. Jet agreed and we all went there. There were many of us. We were eating, drinking, playing, composing, and all other stuff we can think of to get rid of boredom. Midnight came and we decided to have a drink. Since all the alcohol is unavailable in the cooler, we went out and bought some drinks. When we got our drinks, we decided on where to drink. After some few minutes, we decided to drink under a tree, blanketed by the beautiful stars and night sky. It was a good spot since we were outside. It was cold yet accommodating.

We were composed of Jal, Mackie, Gal, Gear, Mitch, and me. We drank our beers on a table. It was fun because we talked about everything we want to talk about. We passed by on a topic on how Mitch was linked to his ex-boyfriend. We already knew everything because her ex-boyfriend was also our friend. Mitch really hated her ex-boyfriend and we know that. Anyway, we talked more and then arrived on me. I was to give the topic. I shared things about how my ex-girlfriend left me and told me all the reasons in the world to do such. I don't want to elaborate because it's kinda boring and stupid. So, just ask me personally on why she left me.

After I said all of those, I shared to them her boyfriend now and how they're doing. I honestly told them that they are fine and my ex-girlfriend is really happy since she can get whatever she wants because the guy's rich. I don't really care about that detail. What struck me the most is what my friends said to me.

"To tell you the truth Jan, it is really you who is making the effort just to make your girl happy. It's true that you are poor and you really can't support her but you are making a freakin' effort just to make her happy. On the other hand, it is simple for her new boyfriend now because he is rich and can give anything she likes. Look on the positive side."

I don't know if I'll be happy or something but I felt happy in that moment. I realized that I really did make an effort but was not enough. I'm not saying it was my ex-girlfriend's fault not to see that. Neither it is my fault that I did not give her happiness. It's just that, fate really brought that up and I never expected that to happen. All I can do was to accept the fact that I am not for her and she is not for me. Sad or not? I don't know.

I think personally that the world revolves around money. It is money who can make people's lives better. It is money that can solve almost all problems in the world. It is money who can avail tickets to travel outside the country. Everything. Money is important in this world because not all things are free. But if you ever think about it deeply, it is not money that it is important. It is the sincerity, the love, the care of all the people around you. Can money buy you love? Yes, some say. I can get a prostitute in Central Bank and make LOVE. But, is it really love? No, it isn't. It's just pleasure for Christ's sake. What I mean about love is the feeling that will never surpass because the person you love is important. (I don't really know the exact meaning. I just made that up. XD) Money also can't buy your family. Money can't buy everything in this world. Money is just a material that make people greedy, materialistic, and etcetera. But it is Love that will dominate in the future.

Oh! Don't say that all I said here is only the reasoning of the "poor" just to make other people forget that they are poor. Some people will say, "They just say that because they're poor." I say once again that this is not a reasoning. It's just the truth. :)

"Money is a good servant, but a poor master" -Dominique Bouhours

Until Christmas Day Ep. 3

The prank still lingered in my mind. I can’t forget it easily. It was the most humiliating time of my life. My job was affected and I could not work well. My manager saw my performance and told me to take a day off. He said that a day off would do me good. He also said to clear my mind. I also thought about that and maybe I really needed a time off.

The next day, I did not work. I slept until 1 pm. I decided to go to a mall to stroll and buy some stuff. I took a bath, ate brunch, and went to the mall after that. While I was walking on the street going to the mall, I saw a very familiar face. It was a girl, waiting for something on the road; her boyfriend perhaps or something like that. Maybe she was waiting for a bus. I don’t know the exact reason but it intrigues me to see that familiar girl. Maybe I saw her somewhere. Those beautiful eyes, the beautiful hair, everything seem to be perfect. Then, the prank thundered down in my mind. She was the girl who played the prank to me. From nice to not so nice, I brisk walked to her and I position myself behind her. I took a gun lighter and pointed it to her back. I told her that this is a hold up and she must give up all her belongings and money. Her reaction is something that I expected. She calmed down and told me that all her belongings are in her bag and also her money. She removed her shoulder bag from her shoulder and handed it over to me. Then, I don’t know what got into me but because I can’t keep my laughter anymore, I said.

“HAHAHA! GOTCHA!”

She then looked back to me and sighed. She really thought that it was a hold up. She even told me that she felt really scared. She told me not to play a prank like that because it is not nice. I told her that the prank that she played to me was also not nice. She apologized to me and it felt good. At last, that prank won’t haunt me anymore. I also apologized to her and she felt good too. The next thing I know, both of us were laughing so hard. She said that she‘d make it up for me because an apology is not enough. She asked me to take her to my work place. She’ll treat me for a slice of Strawberry Shortcake and maybe a cup of coffee. I know that it will be a happy day.

The Things That Make Up "Janus"

I cannot explain very clearly who I am. But, I came up with an idea. I'll share everything about me so that you will know me very well. I don't even know if this blog is being visited by people but I do hope that if they visit this blog, they would know the author behind it. Here are the points that make up "Janus".

~He wants his birthday secret. So, his birthday is anonymous. He is currently 17 years old.

~He studies in the University of Ateneo in Davao City, Philippines. He is currently taking A.B. Mass Communication.

~He lives in a place far away from downtown Davao and has a hard time going there because of the increase in jeepney fares.

~He has played lots of sports but what he mastered was playing soccer.

~He is allergic to shrimp and Flanax.

~He likes green, leafy vegetables.

~He usually goes home in the morning.

~He loves surfing the net. He can stay until the wee hours in the morning just by surfing the net.

~He is addicted to the Japanese culture. He is currently idolizing four Japanese artists. Horikita Maki, Aya Ueto, Toda Erika, and Inoue Mao. He also idolizes Dir En Grey, a Japanese band.

~He loves to play drums. Of course, he is a drummer.

~He knows how to play Soul Calibur, Battle Gear 3, and a few Tekken.

~He loves the arcade.

~He is a "professional" in Pump It Up and Dance Dance Revolution.

Hmmmmm, maybe I'll add some if I remember more. :) I think that's it, for now. :)

Do Animals have Third Sex?

There is this one thing that is bugging me lately. Around noon, I was walking in our subdivision and was waiting for a tricycle to go downtown. I passed by these two dogs on the road. They were making love. They were doing the dog-style. (Because they're dogs! XD) Anyway, as I studied the two dogs, I realized that the two are male dogs. A question popped in my mind. Is the dog initiating the love making gay or is he really just a pervert that he'll do whatever it takes to let his big stick be inside a cave of heaven? I have two points.

If I am correct, the dog initiating the love making is gay. But, I cannot defend this because I haven't done any research about gay dogs. I don't even know if there exist one. If some dogs were really gay, it would freak me out. Full make up dogs, complete with a Dolce and Gabbana bag, french tip, and so on. OMG! Thinking about it already freaks me out. I don't know what will happen to me if I ever see one.

Anyways, another point of mine is that the dog is really just a freakin' pervert. Dogs have reproductive organs and MAYBE it is natural for them to be horny or something. Maybe that dog did not have enough power to contain all the warmth from within that he needed to release it to some other dog. If only dogs could masturbate, maybe that dog had not done such terrible thing. What is happening to the dogs these days? XD

Don't be bothered by this post. It's just a feeling of mine and I really need to share this to everyone. Some questions really bug me that if I don't blog them, they would haunt me forever. It would also be nice if you comment me findings about "third-sex-dogs". I could study them and soon, I will come up with a conclusion.

Until Christmas Day Ep. 2

This is the story of my life. Half of my life, I lived in a mountainous place. When I finished high school, my parents cannot afford to send me to college. I really wanted to study in college so I can get the job that I dreamed of. A soldier. I really wanted to be a soldier because I want to serve my country. I will do whatever it takes to contribute something for my country. But, all of these were lost because I cannot go to a military college. Because I really wanted my dream, I tried to find a work with good pay. All I managed to get was a cake seller. I think this is really ironic because I want to be an aggressive person but what I got is something that I must not be the aggressive type. It has a good pay though so I will work my butt off to go to school.

I computed everything from the days that I will work to get enough money, the money that I can get if I buy some stuff and so on. After computing all, I realized that I'll get enough money at Christmas Day. I think this is fulfilling because Christmas Day is the day when Christ was born. Maybe Jesus has given me this fate because I have been doing good deeds lately. So until that time, I have to work hard in order to maintain what I have computed. I must not be lost.

One day, I was cleaning the table when I saw a girl near a lamp post. She was holding the lamp post and she was breathing hard. I think she is tired or something or she just ran until she reached that place. I stared at her for a few moments. She was beautiful. Long hair, tall, puffy cheeks, eyes that resemble gems, and so on. She was the perfect girl for me. But, I did not care about her after looking. I don't want to be involved in some relationships or something. I just don't want to. As I was about to go in, she quickly screamed and ran to me. She bumped at me and the two of us fell down flat on the floor. She quickly stood up and pulled me up.

"Please, stop that guy! He wants to hurt me."

I did not know what to do. I am defenseless. I am not some Bruce Lee type of guy or something but desperate times call for desperate measures. I saw the guy in front of our shop. He was big, bulky, and buffed. I, on the other hand, is a stick figured guy. I do not go to gyms or anything. I am like a malnourished kid. Anyway, the guy was coming closer and the girl was shaking behind me. I think she was really scared. When I looked back to the guy, he was in front of me. He held my shoulder real hard and it was really painful.

"Please, if you want to hurt this girl, hurt me instead," I said.

"Who says I want to hurt you boy?" the guy replied. "I want to kiss you."

OH MY GOD! He was gay. The girl burst to laughter and the guy was laughing too. The girl left the shop and before she was completely lost, she looked back at me and said, "Haha! You're funny." Damn! I was pranked. I did not expect to turn out like that. I thought she was really scared and was running off to that guy. I came back inside the shop disappointed. I was even scolded by my manager and he told me that I'll clean up the mess that I made. The next thing I knew, I was mopping the floor. I wanted to have revenge on that girl and play a prank on her too. But I know she will be rarely seen in this place because she already made a prank here. I can't forget this freakin' day!

The guy that I work with in the shop is laughing his butt off because he saw and heard everything. Darn!

Until Christmas Day Ep.1

"I am not inspired," says I. I'm tired and bored of doing things I shouldn't be doing. I got this job that I did not dream about. I mean, who wants to have this job anyway? You're serving some cakes to unknown people that you didn't think that existed in this world. Yes, I am a cake seller. But, I do not send these cakes on people's houses. I work in a cake shop and all I do there is to serve cakes to customers, sit down, read a newspaper, or listen to the radio. Just that and nothing more. The more I last on this job, the more I get so bored. How I wished I could poof out of here because it is not my dream to be a cake seller. But, why did I get this job? Money. I need money. Money for my everyday needs, for my family back in the province, and for my future. I want to study college if I have enough money to enroll. Until that time, I need to work my butt off this freakin' job.

But, there are pros on this job. One is the beautiful ladies that come here to have a coffee break every 3 pm. They wear these secretary-like uniforms and they come in different colors. When I serve sliced cake to them, I try not to stare. I might drool or something if I do that. Every time these girls come, they keep on giggling like I have something in my face. But, I don't care. These girls are beautiful and I know it. Another one is the free cake you get when a customer doesn't finish it all up. Our cakes really taste great and I really dream to eat one. When I got here for the first time, I was so scared to eat the leftovers but some guy told me that it was alright. So, I grabbed the cake and ate it. It felt great. I felt I was in heaven when I eat our own cakes. It doesn't mean that I tell you guys that our cakes really taste great and that you should buy here. I'm just telling you how heavenly the taste of our cakes is. Especially the Strawberry Shortcake. Yum.

But still, having this job is not really cool. NOT totally cool. But if it's about money then I don't have problems with any job that I can get into. Just don't give me jobs that are scary or will be the cause of my death. I would definitely not want that.

But, my life changed forever when this past of mine happened. It was a bittersweet past. I don't know if you'll be bored or something but I find my past very interesting and fun. Although it hurts a bit, still I am happy that I can still remember this past of mine. I know you want to hear it. I really know that you want to hear it.

Here is the story of my life. I am Herbert Carver. I am a cake seller and I don't like it.

(Author's note: This story is entirely fictional. I want to say this because there is someone behind me on the left that keeps telling me that this is my own story. THIS IS FICTIONAL. Episode 2 soon!)

My Mind's A Blur

I can't think of anything to post now. Maybe I'm tired or something. I don't know. My mind is in a blur right now and everything I think will fade after a few seconds of thinking about it. XD Is that a brain disorder or is it just normal to be like this when you don't have enough sleep for 3 days? I am not feeling funny today, I'm just tired. Maybe bored. I was thinking to post the Top 7 things to do when you are so bored but it is Tagalog. I don't know if it's legal or something. I can freely post anything but based on what Dante said, maybe I won't do it. Maybe a post is enough. (See "What's your specialty?" post.)

Boredom. What to do about it? Hmmmmm, play fun games on the computer or in Y8.com, have a blog and post everything you want to say, rant, or anything, do unusual things, and all other stuff you can think of. Basically, I just sit somewhere and stare at the blue sky or a blank space when I'm bored. Don't you think that it is boring 'cause if it was, I wouldn't do that in the first place. Makes sense? Anyway, what do you think about sleeping? Feels good, eh? It's a really good thing to do to sleep. You cannot stop getting old and if you're getting older, you get tired and tired everyday and you want to sleep all day. Mine is an irony. It's TIRING to sleep. You may ask, what's tiring about sleep when you are already sleeping? I cannot explain a simple question. It's just tiring to sleep. Even though I am very exhausted or sleepy, I try to stay up because my mind tells me that I shouldn't sleep because it is more tiring than doing something exhausting. Weird.

My mind's a blur. Everything I think of will fade after a few seconds of thinking. I said that a while ago, right? So, no need to elaborate on that. God, what am I doing.. XD

Anyhoo, I passed by this very emotional quote. I posted it on the post before this post. Got that? It basically tells people that if you are about to give up, think about the factor that forced you to go on. The thought is like that. While I was riding a motorcycle last night, I thought about this quote. It really struck me because I was about to give up on one thing that I treasured the most. But after reflecting, I realized I mustn't give up. I will know when to give up when the time comes. But until that time comes, I will do whatever it takes to make this dream of mine come true.

I am starting to play Far Cry now and it's a pretty good game. All the swimming, running, shooting, mercenaries, and the jungle are great. I hope you can play this game too. Tell me and we'll play online, ok? Haha!

I'm getting bored in typing because I really can't think of anything. So, so long for now.

"What's wrong with being a boring kind of guy?"-George Bush

P.S. It was really George Bush who said that, it was not made by me. Lol!

Why are People Like That?

Just a reflection for what happened to me today. Don't you agree that people who hate you really much will find a way to acknowledge your mistakes in front of your face? I don't know about this but I'll give a concrete example of this kind of "attitude".

It's normal for the band playing but whenever a band plays on stage, the other bands will try to find the mistakes that the performing band will execute. Like, losing the sound of the guitar, the losing of the beat of the drums, and etcetera. I think this is normal but isn't it too insulting? What if you're an engineer and you make the greatest design of a house possible and the owner will say that the paint is not good, windows aren't that good, and so on. What would you feel if you were the engineer? If I were the engineer, I'll just smile to hide the pain that my work is not satisfactory and must be repeated again.

My only point is people should go to the positive side first before going on to the negative side. For the band example, when the performing band goes down the stage and will pass by to the other bands, the other bands should congratulate them at first. Then discuss about the flaws that the performing bands made on stage and they should give encouragement. That way, it wouldn't be very insulting.

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place." ~Unknown

A Friendly Conversation, I guess.

Earlier, my ex-girlfriend and I talked using Yahoo Messenger and we fought. We were arguing about what is right or not. Here is the whole story of what we have talked.

silent_assassin_90: nag fiesta na kayu sa school niyo?
eprilog: yea
silent_assassin_90: nu ginawa niyo?
silent_assassin_90: XD
eprilog: nag fiesta, haha anu pa
eprilog: bakit pala?
silent_assassin_90: ala lang..
silent_assassin_90: curious me..
silent_assassin_90: ala kau nag cheerdance, booths, anything?
eprilog: lahat ginawa
silent_assassin_90: aw
silent_assassin_90: lol
silent_assassin_90: nagpunta si hannah dun noh?
eprilog: haha sabi na sya lage pakay mo
eprilog: oo bakit?
silent_assassin_90: aw
silent_assassin_90: masama bang magtanong?
silent_assassin_90: XDD
silent_assassin_90: ala lang..
silent_assassin_90: cnabi niya sakin na pupunta daw xa dun..
silent_assassin_90: i dunno kung kelan niya yun cnabi
silent_assassin_90: haha
silent_assassin_90: anyway, how's life?
silent_assassin_90: visi mo naman blog ko..
silent_assassin_90: XD
silent_assassin_90: visit
eprilog: okay, some time
silent_assassin_90: aw
silent_assassin_90: huhu
silent_assassin_90: how's life?
silent_assassin_90: mag wawan year na kau ni bart noh?
eprilog: haha yeah
eprilog: updated ka lage?
silent_assassin_90: haha
silent_assassin_90: la gud nagsabi sakin..
silent_assassin_90: kaw gyud..
silent_assassin_90: wat plans niyo sa anniversary?
silent_assassin_90: XD
eprilog: ewan. pero it's gonna be big. well, i want it to be big.
eprilog: isurprise daw nya ako :)
silent_assassin_90: aw
silent_assassin_90: lol
silent_assassin_90: hehe
silent_assassin_90: how sweet..
silent_assassin_90: palagi kami nagkikita sa school..
silent_assassin_90: nakita ko xa recently sa skul..
silent_assassin_90: grabe makatingin..
silent_assassin_90: why is that?
silent_assassin_90: y'know why?
eprilog: prolly cuz he knows ur my ex?
eprilog: besides, lam din nya siniraan moko dati
eprilog: why wouldn't he be protective?
silent_assassin_90: aw
silent_assassin_90: hehe
silent_assassin_90: dat happened a long time ago..
silent_assassin_90: maybe it's time to move on..
silent_assassin_90: haha
silent_assassin_90: san na pala kayo nakatira?
eprilog: long time na nga, pero wouldn't be forgotten.
eprilog: i thought u were different, u were just like the rest of the guys.
silent_assassin_90: aw
silent_assassin_90: gomen
silent_assassin_90: i don't know if this is the right time to say sorry for everything..
silent_assassin_90: ambot lang ha?
silent_assassin_90: di man ako nakadrugs or anything..
silent_assassin_90: pero, gomen..
silent_assassin_90: to be honest, di ko talaga alam kung bakit ko yun nagawa?
silent_assassin_90: maybe it's because hindi ko lang matanggap na meron ka ng iba or something..
silent_assassin_90: and wanted to have revenge..
silent_assassin_90: it wasn't the "janjan" na nakilala mo nung kayo pa..
silent_assassin_90: he was different at that time..
silent_assassin_90: i think..
eprilog: just goes to show who you really are deep down inside.
eprilog: it was good i left when i did, i hate uncertainty.
silent_assassin_90: hahaha..
silent_assassin_90: i can't change what you think about me..
silent_assassin_90: right now..
silent_assassin_90: pero i do hope na you'll dig in deeper..
silent_assassin_90: although wala ng reason para gawin yun..
silent_assassin_90: im living a peaceful life right now..
silent_assassin_90: you're living yours..
silent_assassin_90: di na mauulit ang nakaraan diba?
silent_assassin_90: at wala na ring choice
silent_assassin_90: kundi mag move on..
silent_assassin_90: cguro..
eprilog: ka emo mo ba
silent_assassin_90: hahaha
silent_assassin_90: lol
eprilog: parang lage kang may malakiiing problema
silent_assassin_90: haha
silent_assassin_90: di naman maxadong malaki..
silent_assassin_90: XD
silent_assassin_90: may problema ako araw-araw..
silent_assassin_90: haha
silent_assassin_90: wala lang..
silent_assassin_90: napadaan kasi ako knina sa kfc sa gmall..
silent_assassin_90: tapos, naremember ko yung dinner ko dun..
silent_assassin_90: with you, although di ka kumain..
silent_assassin_90: wala lang..
eprilog: kumain ka kasi una nun at sabi ko sau sabay tau non. pagdating ko don, gutom na gutom ako, binigyan mo saken ung leftover mong mashed potato na kalahati nang ubos
silent_assassin_90: hahaha
silent_assassin_90: ala na akong maibigay na iba eh..
silent_assassin_90: dba sabi mo?
silent_assassin_90: ni wala akong nabigay sau na grand at pwede mong gamitin para maging proud ka or something?
silent_assassin_90: you get my point..
silent_assassin_90: mahirap lang kami, dba?
silent_assassin_90: hindi naman kita masisisi kung mataas expectations mo sakin..
silent_assassin_90: dba?
silent_assassin_90: XD
eprilog: ano bang punto mo ha? anong balak mo? sige ka parinig jan wala ka man lang maiharap saken. tumahimik ka na nga. sige ka lang satsat jan. kala mo alam mo anong pinasukan mo in the first place. masyado kang insecure, lam mo un? mga ibang tao.. di hadlang sa kanila ang pagiging mahirap. ikaw ginagawa mong scapegoat. di ka nagbago, lumala ka pa nung iniwan kita. ur getting on my nerves, please lang, wag ka ng magsalita.
silent_assassin_90: aw
silent_assassin_90: hindi ako nagpaparinig..
silent_assassin_90: relax lang gud..
silent_assassin_90: pwede mo naman akong kausapin ng matino..
silent_assassin_90: wag yung puro galit ang nasa salita mo..
silent_assassin_90: aminin ko..
silent_assassin_90: ginagawa kong reason ang kahirapan namin..
silent_assassin_90: pero sa mga pinag gagagawa mo..
silent_assassin_90: naiicp ko tuloy na isa kang maluhong babae na ang gusto lang sa isang relasyon ay regalo, libreng pamasahe, pagkain, at kng anu-ano pa..
silent_assassin_90: i believe, hindi nasusukat ang pagmamahal ng isang tao sa mga bagay na binibigay niya..
silent_assassin_90: di ko alam sayo..
silent_assassin_90: wag mo akong pagsabihan na reason lang yang belief ko na yan..
silent_assassin_90: dahil si hannah mismo ang nagsabi sakin nyan..
silent_assassin_90: anyways..
silent_assassin_90: cguro naman naicp mo na nung tayo pa eh nagkakagusto na ako ke hannah?
silent_assassin_90: lam mo man cguro yun dba?
eprilog: HAHA love is blind talaga. ganun pala ang iniisip mo saken ha? ikaw na nga tong pa-awa2 effect na mahirap ka kaya di mo naibigay saken ang mga gi-konklusyon mong mga bagay na gusto ko, ikaw pa tong nagsasalita ng ganyan. hilo ka ba? jan, baka nakakalimutan mo, di ako ang nawalan. ikaw ang nawalan ng gf. HAHA akala mo kailangan ko ang pera mo? na kailangan ko ang mga regalo mo? i can live by myself, excuse me. i have my own money, and come to think of it, ako ang bumabayad sa mga dates natin. so wag mong imukha saken na mukha akong pera kasi ikaw lang talaga ang nabubulag sa sarili mong insecurities. hoy, mag grow up ka nga. feel mo naman magseselos ako sa bestfriend kong alam kong di rin papatol sau kailanman.
silent_assassin_90: hahaha
silent_assassin_90: grabeha pud nimo makalait uie..
silent_assassin_90: makahilak man tag tagak nimo uie..
silent_assassin_90: gahahaha..
silent_assassin_90: i don't know ha?
silent_assassin_90: pero unta pangayoon sa nako ang permission niya para isulti sa imo ang tinood..
silent_assassin_90: you don't know anything really..
silent_assassin_90: and besides, ayoko pang mag grow up..
silent_assassin_90: i want to stay like this..
silent_assassin_90: para di ako tatanda..
silent_assassin_90: nganu masuya man ka sa ako uie..
silent_assassin_90: na simple lang man ni akong ginabuhat sa imo..
silent_assassin_90: pikon talo baya..
silent_assassin_90: hala..
silent_assassin_90: XDD
silent_assassin_90: if you only knew..
silent_assassin_90: malingaw gyud ka sa tinood na situation..
silent_assassin_90: lolerz..
silent_assassin_90: anyways, ala mo pa na answer ang question ko bah..
silent_assassin_90: san na kau nakatira now?
silent_assassin_90: and my cap, bakit di mo pa binabalik?
silent_assassin_90: XDD
eprilog: nagpapatawa ka ha? and do you really think i care about what u think is the truth? ur just fueling ur imagination jan. gusto mo ang truth? ur sad. that's it. di ka uli bumangon, and that's just pitiful. kung alam mo lang din.. oh, and ur cap? sinunog ko na, di ko ba nasabi? haha kinsay nalingaw karon.
silent_assassin_90: haha
silent_assassin_90: fine..
silent_assassin_90: ashes na lang ng cap ko, pwede?
silent_assassin_90: lolerz..
silent_assassin_90: if you only knew the truth..
silent_assassin_90: maybe someday you will know..
silent_assassin_90: i do hope na hindi malaman ang katotohanan..
silent_assassin_90: and if ever mangyari man na malaman mo ang lahat2, hndi mo na ito papancnin..
silent_assassin_90: obviously, you do not get my point about sa "truth"..
silent_assassin_90: pero dahil grown up ka na, malalaman mo lang din ang gina mean ko..
silent_assassin_90: bleh
silent_assassin_90: hehe
silent_assassin_90: :-p
silent_assassin_90: you don't even care about the "truth"
silent_assassin_90: which will make the "truth" more truthful..
silent_assassin_90: hahaha
silent_assassin_90: lolz
silent_assassin_90: save ko tong conversation natin ha?
silent_assassin_90: lagay ko sa blog..
silent_assassin_90: para masaya..
silent_assassin_90: :)
eprilog: tsk tsk. what will hannah think about you now..
silent_assassin_90: you should ask the same question to yourself..
silent_assassin_90: kahit ano man ang icpn ni hannah, mag apologize man ako kagad and mapagbigyan niya ko kagad..
silent_assassin_90: dami kong nagawa sa kanya na hindi tama..
silent_assassin_90: pero binabalewala lng niya..
silent_assassin_90: unlike you..
silent_assassin_90: bad ka..
silent_assassin_90: :(
silent_assassin_90: hehe
eprilog: ah. so you're using my bestfriend because she's kind to you ha?
eprilog: so low, jan.
eprilog: even for u.
eprilog: u think i'm worried?
eprilog: hello, mas matagal kong kilala si hannah
eprilog: sino sa atin ang bestfriend nya.
eprilog: stop acting like u know what you are talking about.
silent_assassin_90: i do know what i'm talking about because she personally told me everything..
silent_assassin_90: wag ka lang gud mag worry..
silent_assassin_90: i know you wouldn't care if you knew the "truth"..
silent_assassin_90: gahahaha
silent_assassin_90: sorry ha?
silent_assassin_90: high lang talaga ako ngaun..
silent_assassin_90: anyway, san nga kayo nakatira?
silent_assassin_90: slowly but surely, i'm knowing hannah more than you know her..
silent_assassin_90: mas marami kaya kaming times together ung nand2 pa xa sa davao..
silent_assassin_90: enaf na yun para makilala ko xa ng husto..
silent_assassin_90: it may take years to know everything about her..
silent_assassin_90: pero, di na man ako nagmamadali..
eprilog: haha even your logic's whacked. you think days is all it takes? ano to, contest kung sino makanalo sa side ni hannah? i told u, i'm not worried. i know where i stand. haha sa pagsasalita mo nga, parang ikaw pa tong worried eh. hahaha
silent_assassin_90: haha
silent_assassin_90: im soo worried..
silent_assassin_90: huhu
silent_assassin_90: :-S
silent_assassin_90: im worried na mag side pa rin si hannah sau..
silent_assassin_90: mawawala na ang madeleine ko..
silent_assassin_90: huhu
silent_assassin_90: im so damn worried.
silent_assassin_90: :-s
silent_assassin_90: wag mo siyang kunin sakin please?
silent_assassin_90: XDD
silent_assassin_90: anyway, san nga kayo nakatira?
silent_assassin_90: aw..
silent_assassin_90: wag na lang..
silent_assassin_90: lolerz..
silent_assassin_90: di mo pa rin yan sasagutin..
silent_assassin_90: 10 pm flight niya ngaung gab..
silent_assassin_90: bukas ng alas onse sa ating oras mag dating siya doon sa states..
silent_assassin_90: which makes it 8 pm sa kanila..
silent_assassin_90: pray mo xa for a safe flight ha?
silent_assassin_90: regards mo na lng ako sa buong family mo..
silent_assassin_90: :)
silent_assassin_90: save ko tong conversation na to ha?
silent_assassin_90: magandang pang blog to..
silent_assassin_90: XD
silent_assassin_90: visit mo na lang din ang blog ko kung interested ka..
silent_assassin_90: http://simpleboredom.blogspot.com
silent_assassin_90: leave ka na lng din ng comment para msaya
silent_assassin_90: byee!
silent_assassin_90: ingatz ka always ha?
silent_assassin_90: i'm so worried na mawala si hannah sakin..
silent_assassin_90: remember that..
silent_assassin_90: i love her very much, it will be too painful na mawala xa sakin..
silent_assassin_90: :)

I am sorry about my sarcasm, as what you have observed in the story. Obviously, I am silent_assassion_90 and my ex-gf is eprilog. Our argument is not really that good and all I managed to do was to sarcastically talk. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to ask about your opinions about this. Write it on the comment box by clicking comments just below this post.

Who is Madeleine?

Some viewers of my blog may ask, "Who is Madeleine and what is the relationship of the person to the author?" I have been involving Madeleine in my posts and only a few people know her. So, I hope this post will help you know everything about Madeleine.

Madeleine Rowe. That is her real pen name, nick name, or whatever-you-want name. Her real name is Johanna Camille De Jesus. She resides in San Pedro Village, Buhangin, Davao City here in the Philippines and in Hacienda Heights, California in the United States. She was born on May 18, 1990 and is now 18 years old. She is a ballet dancer before and someday, a future dentist as she said because her whole family and relatives have the blood of a dentist. So, she told me that she will be a dentist someday because all her family and relatives are dentists. At least that's what I think of. Anyway, if you want to know more about Hannah, check out this link on friendster. It is her profile and please do add her. She would greatly appreciate it.

Back in the past, my world became dull and colorless. It was after the break up of an egg. (This is a code. Only few understand this.) Our relationship did not go quite well so we ended up separated. I was a fool at that time so I drunk all the alcohol my body can take, smoked all the cigarettes in the world, and tried to forget everything we have done. I even enter the class drunk. Ssshh. Anyway, the egg really made a great impact in me and it really did hurt when she broke up with me. Our break up even happened in Yahoo Messenger. Our relationship started there, and it also ends there. Sad. :(

After all the dilemma, here comes my heroine, Madeleine. She asked me a few questions of why I have been doing those stuff. I told her the reason and really opened up with her. We were chatting because she was in the States at that time. She tried to understand every word I send to her and she really did. I am so proud that I am one of her close friends. She is always there for me to help me in problems. We even made a promise together, right Han? XD

Madeleine really means a lot to me, although we are just friends. Because I was too open to her, I even confessed that I loved her and she just confirmed that we only reach the "close friends" part and nothing else. Kinda' sad but it's alright. A close friend like this is something to be treasured and what's more, she is a girl. I don't have any close girl friends before. Only her.

Madeleine is now studying in California. I will surely miss her. We will still chat though. I hope to see her face on the webcam and hear her voice on the microphone. I hope we can still be friends even she marries and I marry. I hope this friendship will last forever.

All the things that I want to thank from her are found on the August archives and the post is entitled No Goodbyes, Please. I am very thankful for everything there. I hope that this post helped you understand who Madeleine really is. I asked for her permission about this and she gave the green light. I only hope that she won't punch by the time she comes back because maybe she did not expect it like this. Oh my. XD

"Beauty is a radiance that originates from within and comes from inner security and strong character." -Jane Seymour

Usotsuki

The title is in Japanese that means, "Liar". This was said by Megumi to Nanako when it was their first time to meet.

I just finished watching the first episode of Tsubasa No Oreta Tenshitachi or Fallen Angels. The first episode was starred by my favorite Japanese artist, Aya Ueto. The title of the episode is Celebrity and the story goes like this:

Nanako got all the things she wanted. Beautiful clothes, good friends, and a good life. She was living her dream to be like a celebrity. Everything she wants, she always gets. But this was not her real life. She only gets this because of a guy that gives her money in exchange for pleasure. The truth is, she works in a delivery company and she lives just like everybody else. But because of her past, she wanted to have lots and lots of money. One time, Nanako's boss asked her to deliver something. When Nanako went to deliver it, she passed by a big house. She then saw a little girl walk out the door. It reminded her about Lisa, a friend of hers back when she was a kid. Lisa was a rich girl and Nanako envied her very much because her family was poor. She hated her father for not having a job. Back to reality, Nanako tried to forget everything. When she went to the park, her boss called her and Nanako told her that she had a flat tire and will be going back soon. That moment, the little girl listened to Nanako and screamed at her, "Usotsuki!" Nanako looked at her and said to her that if no one lies, that person cannot get what he/she wants. Then, Nanako leaves the park. After a few days, Nanako got into her "celebrity" side and goes to this very pricey store which sells Dolce and Gabbana and other expensive stuff. The owner and Nanako had a chat when someone comes in. A mother and along with her is a child. The girl recognized Nanako but Nanako left quickly. The little girl chased her and after that, Nanako introduced herself. The little girl introduced herself as Megumi. Then the two became friends and Megumi often visits Nanako in the place where she works and to her house.

The two keep talking about Megumi's father and Nanako realized that there were bruises on the wrist of Megumi. Nanako was kind of worried. Megumi's mom called and told her that she should go home. Nanako walked Megumi all the way to her house and before Megumi went inside, she asked Nanako if she was happy. Then, she left. The question kept on running in Nanako's mind and she partially realized that she was not happy. After a few days, when Nanako was in her place, she heard the doorbell ring. The ringing kept on going and after that, Nanako heard the voice of Megumi. Megumi was crying. Nanako quickly opened the door and Megumi hugged her real tight. Nanako saw the face of Megumi and it was reddish. It was a sign of violence again. Maybe she was slapped or something. Anyway, Nanako went to Megumi's place and looked for Megumi's mother. Nanako and Megumi's mom talked and Megumi's mom explained that she remarried to give Megumi a future. (Because Megumi's real father died.) But the husband of Megumi's mom keep on hurting Megumi because Megumi has this dirty rabbit that was given to her by her father way back. This was the only memory that she had from her father. This was also the cause of the bruises that Megumi had. When Nanako went back to her place, Megumi's mom came along with her and planned to bring Megumi back to their place. When they arrived, Megumi was so shocked. Megumi's mom asked Megumi to come along with her and go home. Megumi can't do anything so she went with her mom. The two of them left. After that, Nanako chased them outside and after reaching the sidewalk, Megumi looked back and saw Nanako. Then, Megumi fainted. Nanako tried to wake her up but Megumi doesn't answer her back. They sent her to the hospital. The good thing is, Megumi was not in danger. Megumi woke up but can't say a word clearly. She was murmuring something and Nanako knew that Megumi was looking for her rabbit. Nanako ran as much as she can back to her place to get the rabbit. After getting the rabbit, Nanako cycled back to the hospital and while going back, she realized a very important thing.

"A feeling of loving someone so much is something that money can't buy."

Nanako went back to her original life. She decided to visit her parents after 2 years. Nanako also saw the owner of the store that she often went and the owner said to her that she had not seen the true smile of Nanako. Nanako thanked her and said their goodbyes.

People end up believing that appear right before their eyes, never confirming if they are real or not. But what's truly precious is intimacy. It might be invisible like the atmosphere, but it is there.

"The things which are most important don't always scream the loudest." -Bob Hawke

BUZZ WARS!

The title seems to be related to bees but it is not. I’m talking about what happened one time with three of my friends. We were online on Yahoo Messenger and our dear friend James was online. I was in an internet café and I was between the cubicle of Gear and Dante. James was online in our lists. Gear called my attention and he said that he and James were buzzing each other. Gear was kind of irritated so he asked me to help him buzz James. So, I buzzed James many times. Even Dante joined us. James gave up and his status message goes like, “I surrender.” We were laughing our butts of because of that. The three of us continue buzzing James and we know he was irritated. But, we just laughed. Even James laughed too.

It was kind of fun to do that but please, if you want to do Buzz Wars from other people whom you really don’t know, don’t. We know James and he just tolerates this “little war” that we have. So please, don’t try this to other people as it may irritate them and they’ll send you to moon with a big punch. Know what you’re doing. Bleh! :)

“The pen is mightier than the sword, but a buzz is irritating” –Janus

P.S. The quote has no sense and is stupid. Sorry. XD

What If The Filipinos Had ALIBATA?

It’s been bugging me for quite some time now and this question keeps repeating in my mind. What if the Filipinos had ALIBATA? To start off, ALIBATA is the ancient writings of the tribal Filipinos before. They consist of symbols with patterns and meanings. It’s basically dots and curve lines or something. All I know is that it’s ancient. (My history really sucks y’know?) ALIBATA before was written on bamboo and it is the means of communication of the Filipinos before. This was even used in schools before. The schools in the ancient times were held in the forests and students write their notes on bamboo using ALIBATA. I love my country. :)

But, what if the Filipinos maintained ALIBATA until today? What would happen? Would we be rich people? Would we be a much respected country? Would we be cool because we tend to write stuff using signs and symbols? Would we prosper?

To start off, I had this thought. The Japanese, the Chinese, and the Koreans have their own set of symbols that they use until today. I don’t know their history but I believe that these symbols date back a thousand years ago. Personally, it was the Chinese who started it all. You may ask why. I say that the Japanese got their kanji from the Chinese and the Koreans got their Korean symbols from the Japanese, I think. I am not sure. Anyway, the point is they lived with signs and symbols. So I thought, if the Filipinos had their ALIBATA, we could have the same lifestyle as these people. Do I make a good point?

If it weren’t for the Spaniards, we would have still used ALIBATA today. But, we were conquered by them. When Ferdinand Magellan arrived, they shot their cannons on their boats as a sign of respect and permission to land on the Philippine Islands. Because it was the Filipino’s first time to see cannons being shot, not to them but just away from the islands, they were amazed and the Filipinos back then thought that the gods were coming. So they welcomed them with open arms (and not with open legs. Duh!). Because Ferdinand Magellan took advantage of this belief, he ordered the Datus (leaders of the people) to give them food, water, and everything they need. You guessed it right. The Filipinos did what the Spaniards told them to do.

But, the fighting spirit of the Filipinos really did not fade. After some few years, the Filipinos revolted against the Spaniards and the Filipinos really want their freedom. So they fought with big knives, forks, and any stuff they could find that will hurt the Spaniards. But, they were still not victorious. The Spaniards had guns, cannons, and a disciplined army. The Filipinos can’t do anything so they were defeated. More years have passed and the revolution goes on until June 12, 1898. On this day, the Filipinos have declared their independence. But, it was too late. We were already speaking Spanish and we use alphabets to communicate, read, and etcetera. No more ALIBATA.

It’s sad to know that because of the Spaniards, the ALIBATA was lost. I reflected on this and I thought that it would be so cool to have the ALIBATA. Because I am a fan of the Japanese culture, I saw their television shows and every time the people talk, they have their kanji being posted on the screen to help the viewers understand what they’re saying. If we had retained ALIBATA, we could have our symbols posted on the screen when the famous people talk, don’t you think? Also, it will be very difficult for the foreigners to understand our own language because it is made up of symbols and if the foreigners really want to know our language, they could have a hard time and thus challenging them to learn.

If the Spaniards did not conquer us, they could have not taught siesta, a nap in the afternoon. If the Filipinos did not know siesta, we could have worked our butts off the attain perfection and discipline. Then, Juan Tamad would never have existed. We could have been rich, more hi-tech, more disciplined, and everything that is opposite of what we are now today. I don’t blame the Spaniards for conquering us because they were too curious of traveling to another place. I don’t blame them at all. (I am not being sarcastic.) If only the Filipinos did not think that the arrival of the Spaniards were “gods”, we could have been warriors today and maybe, undisciplined. We could have believed on Anito, the pagan god. Everything would not turn out as it used to be today.

But, it was our fate to be conquered. It was our fate to learn the alphabet. It was our fate to be like this and we have to live with it. We cannot change the past. We don’t have that kind of power. All we need to do now is to believe what we believe and fight for what is right. (Good rhymes, man! XD) We are a free people under law and we will celebrate this freedom. If you are a Filipino, look to the person on your right and ask him/her if he/she is a Filipino. If that person is a Filipino, hug them real tight and thank them for carrying the Filipino blood. Be proud, Pinoy!

I just thought that even the Indians have their own set of signs and languages and their status now is not really that good. I’m not mocking them. I’m just saying the inconvenient truth. Maybe if we retained the ALIBATA, we could have been like them too. I don’t know what to say but thanks for the conquerors for changing our way of life.

In the end, I surrender for the retention of ALIBATA but I do hope that you realized everything I have said. All I can say now is, live like a Filipino, breathe like a Filipino, and die like a Filipino. We carry the blood of our ancestors. It is now our time to make a change and make them proud. Let us put the ALIBATA to rest and let us keep it in our hearts. Filipinos are unique and I am so proud of it.

“Iaalay ko ang aking buhay, pangarap, pagsisikap sa bansang Pilipinas.” –excerpt from the Panatang Makabayan.

This Computer Sucks

I am using a unit in an internet cafe that has no USB port. Depressing because what I want to blog about is in my USB. I'll just copy everything and paste it here but it won't happen. It really is sad.

So, I'll rant about this computer that I am using. Well, the computer's keyboard is not black and I don't like typing all the stuff using this keyboard. It feels good on my hands but it doesn't feel right. Next, the Central Processing Unit or famously known as CPU. The CPU has no USB port, as I said earlier. What if I am in a emergency situation and I need to send a file that would change the world forever. I go to this internet cafe and then this is the only unit that is vacant. As I log in, I found out there is no USB port. What will happen to the world? I got no time to go to another internet cafe. The world is in peril and I am the cause of it. It would be really, really sad.

But hey, I kinda' like this unit. You know why? It's on the side and if I am the only customer left, I can do all the things I want. (Don't let your imagination play. I will not surf any site that you are thinking of right now.)

I got you, eh? Haha! :)

But a computer is a computer. I must use it, although I cannot blog. Maybe I'll do it later or something. See yah! :)

Immersion

It's past 1 am now. I can't believe I'm still awake. I had a wonderful time yesterday. It was our NSTP. It was this saturday when we have our Field Immersion. This is the most awaited part of NSTP because you get to meet new people and interview them about their status in their community. Basically, the people we meet are the people who get low profits from almost non-profitable jobs. I don't want to say "poor" people because personally, poor is a very painful word.

The first part of the immersion is the travel. It was a long, long, long, LOOOOOOOONG travel. Around an hour or so, I think. The road is part cemented, part not cemented or rocky. More uphill than downhill and the road is so narrow, you will feel that you will fall. It was around 500-1000 m above sea level, I think. I can see the city from up there. When we arrived there, we paired ourselves to 5 because we have 10 people in our group. My pair, Leslie, her pair, and I went to the boundary of the place and looked for houses for us to interview some people. When we arrived there, my pair and I went to a house and looked for the inhabitants of the house. A mother went out and we introduced ourselves. She was kind of shy because maybe it's her personality and based on her answers to our questions, she is a shy person. While in our interview, she breastfeeds her baby. (I am not a pervert. It just caught my eye.) After interviewing to the mother, we went to Leslie and her pair and we listened to the person they are talking to. After that, we walked back to the rendezvous place. Before we went there, I ate some food and gave the three girls some ice pops. Good stuff there. I was satisfied of what I bought and ate.

After that, the four of us decided to take some pictures. We found a bunch of kids and I asked them their names. They seem to be shy too because I think it was their first time to see city people in their community. Pretty sad, y'know. Anyway, we took some pictures. I even chased a baby goat. It was galloping all over the place and of course, the baby goats were guarded by their mother goat. As we continue forward, a beautiful house caught my eye. Although it was not painted, it was already considered a house compared to the other houses. This house is made of cement, has electricity, and a front yard. The other houses is made of wood. Not a very comfortable place to stay. I don't know how this people survive this lifestyle. The four of us decided to interview the inhabitants of the "decent" house. A mother again greeted us. She let us in and we start asking some few questions. After that, we started walking again. We meet our groupmates in other pairs and we now move in groups. We take pictures, talk, take more pictures, sight seeing, talk again and other stuff. What really touched me are the kids who wanted pictures of them. So, I borrowed a digital camera and I let the kids line up so that I can take a picture of them. They did what I said and they all smiled. I was enlightened when I saw the kids smile. I don't know anything about their lives but my instincts tell me that they haven't smiled like that for a lifetime. It was a fun moment. I even joined them in taking pictures. Bliss? I don't know.

It was sad when it was our time to leave. But we will be back there in two weeks time. So, I'll see those people again, those kids again, those smiles, laughters, welcomes, and more. I want to see them again and I can't wait for the next immersion. I can now understand what "Laughter is the best medicine." means. :)

And oh, we made fun of our classmates by taking them pictures while they are asleep. Holy crap, they're so cute. <3 style="font-style: italic;">"It's good to be just plain happy; it's a little better to know that you're happy; but to understand that you're happy and to know why and how and still be happy, be happy in the being and the knowing, well that is beyond happiness, that is bliss." -Henry Miller (1890-1981)

Don't Think She's Far Away. Think That She Is Not Close.

Because it's already past 1 am, the departure of Madeleine was yesterday at 1 pm. 12 hours had passed. She told me that they will stay for a few days in their province, Ilocos. I believe she is in Ilocos right now, sleeping peacefully. I'll miss her for sure.

I don't know what is the exact date of her flight to the States. Whenever, I pray that she is always safe and sound.

Nothing to post really. I just want to tell you guys that Madeleine is far away from me now. XD

No Goodbyes, Please

Only one day left and she'll fly back to the U.S.A.. It's sad, knowing that she'll leave me again. You see, her first trip there was back last year. She came back for a vacation and now she's leaving again. It's sad, knowing she'll not be here for my birthday. Although, I don't want to celebrate my birthday. Ironic.

I'm trying to forget her departure but who in the world would not think about a departure when it's only a day away? I want to freak out. I want to spend more time with her and all. I was happy about what we have done for her 5 week stay here in the Philippines. I won't dig in to the details because I know it will take a while. But basically, we just watched some movies, talk, and talk, and watch movies, then talk and talk. That's basically it. But, I really loved her stay back here. Really.

If you are reading this, I would personally like to thank you for your time. The stories we've shared, the moments we cherished, the laughs, the everything. I want to thank you for being always there for me. Although I haven't done anything grand to you, you understood me. You explained to me that you are the exact opposite of what I think about girls and I liked you for that. No. I loved you for that. You are a very unique person and a really good friend. You were the only one who listened to my past life. I hope you remember July 29. It was the most happiest moment of my life. I thank you for that.

(I'm like thanking my sponsors. Ouch! XD)

I would also like to thank you for teaching me a little piano, for the pictures we've taken together, the filming, my frequent visits, and everything. I want to thank you for your cute smile, your cute hair, your cute height(no offense but it really is cute), your personality, your whole self. Thank you for the text messages, the lunch, the hug, and all. I thank you for everything and everything and everything. Thank you!

So, I guess that's all. I hope you read this. I know that you know that you are the person I am talking about. For those people who doesn't understand what I'm talking about, read my past posts. You will know who I'm talking about.

Thanks Madeleine. For everything.

No goodbyes, please. :)

"If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden."

The Forgotten, maybe..

Great day, sarcastically speaking. I don't know if what I am about to post is something hurtful or illegal. But, I'll post it anyway. I will not mention names so I hope there is no problem about this post. I'll start off from first thing in the morning. Because it is already 12 am, everything that I am about to say happened yesterday. First thing in the morning, I woke up early than I thought because I went home early and slept early. When I woke up, it was kind of dark outside. I quickly knew what happened. It rained. Good thing to start your day. So there I was, standing and walking around my room thinking what to do next. I put all the things that I will wear for the day on my bed and after that, I grabbed my towel. I went in the bathroom and took a bath. While drying my whole body using my towel, I saw a huge spider on the toilet bowl. I just walked away without nothing to say. After I dress up, I went to the dining room which is also the kitchen which is also the living room and ate my breakfast. I even forgot to cut my nails. Damn! So I eat breakfast, drank coffee, smoke a cigarette, toothbrush, the stuff. When I looked at my watch, it was already 7:10 and my class starts at 7:40. 30 minutes to go. What a good way to start your day!

I just stared outside our Anfra while we were traveling to downtown Davao. The rain kind of stopped at that moment. I even brought a jacket and a knit cap, thinking that the rain would last the whole day. When I arrived at school, I felt a bit different. I was thinking of something but this something cannot pop out in my head at that time. So I went to the 5th floor for my PS 211 class. I don't know if I am lucky or unlucky but there was no class. So, I quickly went down and outside the school and played DotA until my next class which is at 9:15 am. My game in DotA was not really that good so I just watched Maria Ozawa videos on imeem. No pornography in there. Just teasers, actually.

Filipino 3. Our teacher gave our grades and explained to us why we got our scores on our first essay in the subject. I got 52/60. I am so proud of myself. I also thought that my essay pulled my poor grade from 70 something to 80 sharp. Hoooo! A sigh of relief. Or is that a sigh? I do not know. Unfortunately, a student's phone just rung and my teacher went from nice to a rampaged beast. She wants that cellphone on her table but no student wants to admit that it is their cellphone that just rung. So our teacher kept giving threats throughout our whole time until she left. These threats provoked our class president and our class president personally told us to surrender the cellphone. Knowing my classmates.. :) Next class, MC 90, major subject. Before this class, I went to Roxas to smoke and drink Magnolia. I stayed there for a few minutes and it was at that time that I got my first happy encounter of the day. It was seeing my crush in first year. She was my classmate in first year and because of her style, I liked her. But I am too shy to talk to her that is why I envy all my classmates back in first year that talked to her. Sad. :(

MC 90 class, reports, reports, and more reports and a quiz after the reports. I got a low score because I don't have the friggin' handouts because I was absent on the day the handouts were given. My friend Gear was outside my classroom while the report was going on so I went outside. We talked and I borrowed his cellphone to text Hannah. I texted Hannah if ever she was free and she replied that she doesn't know. Some errands to do and other stuff. I did not care about that. I told her that we should spend time together because her departure is nearing. I went back to class and after my class, Gear told me that Hannah was in Netopia. So both of us went down there and waited for Hannah. After she sent something, she invited us for lunch along with RJ and Ann Myles. The five of us had lunch together. I have something in my mind but I won't say it. So nevermind.

My day ended after watching The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. I had fun watching the movie, although somehow sad because Hannah was not with me and I was expecting that we would watch a movie together. Sigh. It is true that you don't get anything you want. I think it's time for me to adjust and put my life in order. My life's a mess, that's what I tell to all the people who envy me because of my "talents" and my happy-go-lucky attitude. It's true. My life's a mess. A big mess.

And before I will go really, really emotional, I just want to stop ranting(or saying) things that I know is not deserving to be in this post. I guess I shouldn't have written this post in the first place.

"Better by far that you should forget and smile than that you should" -Christina Rossetti

What is your specialty?

Nonsense title but I hope this post will contain a good lesson for you people out there. Let me start off with a poem that I have found in our issue of the school paper(or book). The Banaag Diwa. When I read the poem that I am about to share, it really moved me since I can relate to it. All the sufferings, the dreams, and the truth behind it all. I think it summed up everything. I think.

Without further ado, I will present to you...

Iyahang "Special Girl"

Blog Author's note: This is from the Banaag Diwa of our school. All Rights Reserved. I would like to extend my deepest gratitude to Isle for making the poem. No plagiarism, please.

Iyahang "Special Girl"
By Isle

In love kaayo siya nimo
Iyang comments ra gani ang makapapuno
Sa imong Friendster
Tanan nimo higala
Muingon gyud na swerte kaayo ka
Kay sa imo nagtuyok iyang kalibutan,
Kay andam siya musabot sa imong mga kalapasan,
Kay wala na siya'y laing gihunahuna pa
Kung dili ang makapalipay lang sa imo
Maski sa iya wala kay panahon,
Maski sa iya wala kay ihatag na comment
Sa inyong monthsary o maski anniversary,
Maski sa iya walay muuban sa pagtambong
Sa anticipated mass
Samtang siya maglingi-lingi
Naghandom na basig muabot ka,
Naglaom na mausab imong utok
Na karon, maskin karong tungura lang
Siya na pud imong gahinan ug atensyon ug oras.

Kung nganong ginaing-ana nimo siya
Ikaw ra ang nakabalo
Apan ako karon wala na natingala pa
Nganong maski kanus-a
Wala gyud ko kahuna-huna
Na kaibogan
Imong "special girl"

There you have it. Once again, to prevent the cases of plagiarism, this poem was made by a student in Ateneo de Davao University with a pen name, Isle. Thank you very much. Although I haven't asked you personally that I will use your poem, I hope you will understand the acknowledgement that I give to you in this post. Thanks.

To summarize everything, the author of this poem talks to a person. The author explains how his lover really loves him. Filling in the comment box in friendster, all his friends tells him that he is very lucky because the world of the person that loves him revolved around him. You get my point. Also, when this girl attends an anticipating mass, she looks back at the people to find the guy. And everything is history.

I can really relate to this poem, thinking that I am the "girl" and this person I adore is the "guy" in this poem. It's really tough to love a person whom you know you can't have. You might be thinking to let him/her free because if she'll be happy because of that, you will be happy too. I would like to coin this kind of attitude as "Martirism". Martyr means a person that would give everything for the happiness of a person in exchange of pain that he will recieve. Why would someone let go of someone they love? Personally, I think it is stupid.

But, there are times when you will feel or know that you must let go of something you really love. God has plans for you and He won't let you feel down by taking something away from you. Just continue living and continue breathing. It is not the end of the world. God has plans for you and soon, you will find the one that will really belong to your heart.

Shoutouts to Hannah, my madeleine. Ate Joy, I am not plagiarising! If ever that word exists. Kuya Dan, you're so noisy. Hahaha! >:) Gamephase, for letting me use their computer to post this blog. To Isle, I would like to thank you personally if ever I will know and see you. Godspeed! And to all my friends that continue supporting me. Also my family. Thanks!

"Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen." -Leonardo Da Vinci

Opportunities Pass With Flying Colors

Yesterday, August 1, 2008, we joined the battle of the bands held in Calinan, Davao City. It is a 40-minute travel time from downtown Davao. My band(Mestiza Band because when we play, we drink the mixed drink "Mestiza". A mixture of a hard drink, beer, and soda.) joined the battle of the bands and it was our first battle as a band because we just started to form it. I was pretty confident about the event because I have enough experience to join battles. But in the end, it did not turn out quite well. I have reasons for that and I will explain in one by one.


1. Wig. The wig is not anymore my friend when I play. Because I am the drummer of the band, I did not clearly see what I was hitting because the wig covered my face. I thought it would be fine because I see other drummers with long hair play. But, it is otherwise. I had a hard time hitting what I want to hit and because of that, I did not get the "beat" that I wanted to play.

2. Pants. My pants are cargo pants. You might ask why my pants are one of the reasons that I did not play so well. You see, when I step on the bass, there is this tendency that the head of the step of the bass(I can't explain it well but I hope you get the point) will get stuck inside the lower part of my pants near my shoes. I really can't picture it out but I do hope you get my point, again. So still, I could not get the "beat" I wanted to play.

3. The Mestiza itself. We had a drink before we played. Because I did not eat lunch at that day, my stomach was kind of empty at that moment. You know what happens when you drink without anything in your stomach right? The alcohol will amplify its effects and it really made a big difference in me when I played. Hannah(a friend of mine) said that I got drunk and I even sent things that is very unusual. All I remember was when I woke up in our service when we were going back home. Did I vomit before the trip? That I do not know.

4. Our place to play. You see, we are the first band to play. Anyone in a competition don't want to get first because it is the time of the adjustments in the sound system, the judges might forget about your performance because some bands played after us, and so on. Personally, I want us to play in the middle which means some few bands will play first before us but I don't want to be the last.


Everything was a mess. I was a mess. I was traumatized about what happened and I really made a promise to myself that if we have battles, I will not wear the wig, I will not wear those pants again, I will regulate my drinks, and I will demand for a random pick in the competition itself. I even dedicated that performance of mine to Hannah and it turned out bad. I really feel guilty and I hope and pray that it won't happen again.


Don't let opportunities pass you for you will realize that that opportunity will never go back again.


I held a moment in my hand, brilliant as a star, fragile as a flower, a tiny sliver of one hour. I dripped it carelessly, Ah! I didn't know, I held opportunity. ~Hazel Lee

Sad As It May Sound

Sad as it may sound but there will come a point in our lives where we must set some important things free. This will sound tough because you cannot easily let go of everything important to you. Letting things go is normal and is part of our lives. But, how can you let go of these important things to you? Personally, I easily let go of things that I want not because I'm too bored to it. It's just that it had made a change in my life and now it is time to set it free. People must challenge themselves on this part of our life.

For example, you really like this person and he/she is everything to you. Like all other problems in the world, the person you like likes another person. Of course at the first place, you won't let her go to the person he/she loves and instead he/she will go to you. Thinking about it, you are the only one who'll be happy because you are the only who got what you need. The other subject did not get what he/she needed so she is not happy. If you'll say that he/she is happy about you, think again. Maybe he/she can't do anything about it because the person they liked has another issue about this. In other words, we are living in a chain of events which is very complicated and sometimes hurtful.

This post may sound very complicated and I apologize about that. I am not really in that mood to post something and I'm just typing everything that comes in my mind. But, I hope you get my point. :)

This is my first post on the month of August. Be sure to check always for new posts and other stuff. I would really appreciate to hear from you guys. :)

I would like to thank hannah for giving me inspiration in doing everything I can. Thanks! :)